Sick!

Hello guys, this is Henry again.

I am sick now. I'm sitting in my front of my monitor surrounded by countless, unending pills and sprays and applicators and other sinister devices, and I find myself thinking to myself... this sucks ass.

Have you ever said to yourself "gee I hope I don't have a tumor on my spine..."? No? Well it's something that crosses my mind daily. I am what you would call a hypochondriac.

Slight stinging pain in my right leg? Obviously has to be an infarction.
Slight cramp in my left arm? HEART ATTACK.
And constantly, even when contemplating my future, my hopes for a wonderful existence get smashed by the presence of thoughts like "Wow this is going to be great... I just hope I won't need a massive hip replacement". Cause hip replacements aren't that great. Nobody wants a hip replacement, right? Well neither do I, but the possibility of a major accident and multiple fractures just won't stop bugging me.

You know what is ironic? I don't think I've ever had anything more serious than a cold. At the same time, I know that my entire system is slowly shutting down, my balls are probably atrophying right now due to varicocele, I'm slowly developing M.S. and I have an undiagnosed neuropathy or neurofibromatosis. Let me tell you something, you are never, ever safe. Stop worrying about stupid shit like serial killers and hurricanes, your body is killing you right now. You are dying, as we speak. There's nothing else you can do, actually. What is at the end of this potentially short journey on Earth? Death... so if that's what you're heading for, than you are dying right now. But really death should be the least of your concerns. There are tons of nastier stuff than eternal painlessness and freedom from bullshit.

Take ALS for example. That's amytrophic lateral sclerosis. It's the kind of disease that slowly takes away your ability to move anything but your eyes, until you are a fragile existence, stuck inside the prison of your own body, with no way to communicate or scream, or ask people to kill you. And people won't kill you. Why would they? And you would be silently screaming for it. Forever... and ever... ever.

But hey, there are beautiful things in life. Like love!

Here's one word that sums up how beautiful love is:

Syphilis.

It's probably not as nasty as ALS, but still enough to turn physical love into lifelong torture. At least for syphilis there's a cure. A penicillin injection. OUCH.

And here's a few more concepts that probably never crossed your mind if you're a layman:

Chest-tube. It's a tube that they stab into your chest if you have a collapsed lung, while you're still breathing and trying to scream. And this happens often.

Testicular Torsion. You're playing football, the ball hits you in the crotch, you're okay for 20 seconds and then you realize that something's wrong, as you scream in horrible pain. In a little while the doctors are going to cut one of your balls off.

Being impaled through the abdomen by a huge metal spike. Let's say you're playing football, and all of a sudden you get impaled through the abdomen by a huge metal spike. You will probably try to take it out of your distorted, bloody torso while your team members watch in horror, but when you take it out, all of a sudden, your liver, small and large intestines and other internal organs spew out. At this point you will probably try to put them back in but that's no good, all the blood vessels get twisted around, and your stomach gets strangulated by your large intestine, which also begins farting loudly and everyone starts laughing at you for farting. Also your aorta suddenly explodes and you get blood in your eyes. You know how it takes like a minute to stop rubbing your eyes after a liquid gets in there? UGH.

Choke to death. You are eating some olives or something, and one of the olives gets stuck in your neck. A daily occurence right? WRONG. This particular olive has a particularly pointy kernel, and suddenly, as your esophagus contracts, the kernel stabs you in the neck... from the inside out. Now someone at the table tries to perform the Heimlich maneuver on you, but it only makes it worse, now the kernel with part of the olive still attached escapes into the space between your lungs. The kernel travels down to your bladder, and stabs you in it, and suddenly you have peritonitis and other shit. Also, the kernel manages to get into your bladder, and somehow it travels UP one of your ureters, and causes a renal colic, and now you have to be on a low protein diet for the rest of your life. Oh, and also you die lol.

These are the things I think about when I'm bored and BSG isn't on.

A while ago, I thought about enrolling to ALCOR, to be frozen if I get close to death. But then I realized that I fucking hate ice, it's too slippery.

And seriously, there's a next to zero (that's really fucking close to nothing) chance that I might ever be revived again, and I will exist as frozen meat for the rest of all human existence. While everyone else is either cremated or buried and then decomposed by bacteria, I just sit there doing nothing and taking up space on this planet that will probably be super populated by then anyway. It'll probably be so super populated that many people will be stuck crowd surfing all their lives, and then people will have to carry around a crowd-surfing frozen meat thing. Of course it's not dead yet, so respect still applies, you know how they say braindead people can still recognize familiar voices. I'm not sure how well sound moves through ice though, it might end up being pretty muffled and I hate muffled sound. I want nice, cutting mids and screeching highs in my audio, thank you.

Fuck ice. It completely ruins audio fidelity, and it keeps people alive for centuries taking up space.

OH SHIT I think I'm having a subdural hemorrhage, accompanied by extreme pain and loss of vision on one side, and also I just lost a super awesome hard-on I had. Time to go to the doc.

See ya.