We want more lava pits...

Hello World,

This is Henry Gale from Minnesota, and I've decided to get people to realize that there aren't enough fucking lava pits. And I think that sucks, I think we should build some damned lava pits here and there so that idiot assholes can drop into them now and again. I mean when you play some video game there's usually tons of pits of boiling, steaming, killer lava that will end you instantly when you fall into them, and that's great, I mean it's really good for diversity. You walk down the street let's say, you see Starbucks, McDonalds at every corner, banks, shops...

BUT WHERE THE FUCK ARE THE LAVA PITS?

I think it's time to make a petition. I think it's time to tell the god damn government that we want lava pits right now, because lava pits are fucking awesome. Think of how much shit lava pits would solve. Capital punishment... lethal injection, electrocution? FUCK THAT throw 'em in the lava pits. That'll teach them to mess with people who build pits of molten metal. Cause people who built lava pits are undeniably fucking awesome. Heating your house? You got flowing lava around everywhere, no more need for central heating.

So now you see why we need lava pits. Our society is going to hell and if you ask me we really need a good, new, fun pastime like trying to jump over lava pits without falling into them. Obviously, falling into them is deadly, but hey, less fucktards!

And you know what else?

Rivers of acid... rivers of nice, fatal acid flowing around. You don't see that in real life, that's why I trust video game producers more than real city planners because they know how to set up a good lava pit or acid river. And furthermore it would be a good defense against terrorist cells in our country, they'll be getting the fuck out of here screaming "Shit these guys got lava pits, I'm outta' here". Go back to your sand caves you god damn pussies... don't mess with lava.

Of course lava pits have a bad side to them... I mean besides the killing and the burning there will be tons of idiots suddenly going "Hey that's not lava, that's magma!".

FUCK YOU IT'S LAVA!!11

There's no such thing as magma pits, it has to be lava. Magma sucks ass, it's all crusty and not fluid enough to melt people instantly while they scream in pain. Magma is for pussies who can't stand having their organs melted by searing high temperatures.

Actually, you know what would be fucking awesome? A whole city built over a pit of lava. Man that would be sweet! That would be really seriously uber awesome. Maybe with some anti-gravity mechanism under it to keep it floating over an endless sea of lava. And plasma... yeah plasma. OMG.

So this is what I think America should be focusing on. We'll worry about education and the poor later, build more lava pits! I mean that shouldn't be a problem there's lava everywhere. Build some god damn lava extractors, carry it around in huge tankers... lava tankers omg. I want to be driving and suddenly go "Wow look Danny a fuckin' lava tanker! Now we're gonna have some fun around here!"

Tear down parks and stupid golf courses and lay down some lava.

That's what I hope the future has in store for humanity, and only if we work together as a species will we ever have lava pits...

Henry Gale signing out.