George Carlin is dead.

I'm not going to elaborate on how much of a wreck I am right now because of this, but later I might edit this and spill it out.

Shit piss fuck cunt cocksucker motherfucker and tits, man. Amen. Thanks for opening the way to free speech.

Oh crap.

Hey, time for another hypochondriac post!

So I was just lying down in my bed, doing really awesome stuff, earlier. Then I got a slight cramp. Immediately the words COLON CANCER came to mind. As usual, I began to obsess.

"Oh man what do I do, what if I have cancer? I'll die! No... they have treatments! But surgery? SHIT. Why can't I just go on doing my usual stuff instead of having surgery? WHY WHY!?!"

Obviously, I left a dump and it went away. So... I don't have cancer. But who knows what I might have! I could be coming down with Addison's or something. You can get a sore throat, go "pff who cares it's just a sore throat". So it goes away. Then after a few months you get joint pain, your heart starts to sting, and other crazy shit, and all of a sudden you're getting penicillin injections and doctors telling you they have to perforate your ass with painful, barely viscous drugs to "sort of treat" your Rheumatic Fever that will probably reduce your life expectancy by 30 years.

Sore throat eh? Go to a fucking doctor.

What if you go about your daily stuff and suddenly a fucking bird flies right into your head, stabbing you in your frontal lobe with it's beak. You struggle to get the nasty thing out, but it's too late you start to lose your consciousness. Your brain begins to fuck up, because it has this beak stuck in it. You try to say "omfg there's a bird in my head", but you can't, the words come up all scrambled, and now you have aphasia. Then someone tries to take it out, but germs get in and you get meningitis. Obviously, now they have to do an LP. That's when they stick a huge needle into your spine, that not only hurts like hell, but leaves you basically paralyzed by headaches for a week, and might leave you with arachnoiditis (shit, blogger's spelling check is not even recognizing that one), in pain for the rest of your life. And you can't talk, and tell anyone that it hurts, so now no one knows you have arachnoiditis. All from a fucking bird.

I'm never going out again.

And usually I think of the worst things that could possibly happen.

Let's say... you're just idly lying in your bed... browsing, on your laptop. Nothing can hurt you right? WRONG! Suddenly there's a fucking tornado forming right on top of you. Everyone says OMG RUN IT's A TORNADO!!! And you run, to get down to your tornado shelter, but you realize you don't have one because you live in a small eastern European country that doesn't have tornadoes so no one gave a fuck. So what do you do? You hide in the tub. But of course tornado's aren't afraid of tubs, and you get sucked up, and when you finally land you land right on a fucking fence, and you get impaled through the neck. Now you're bleeding out of your jugular vein, and are hoping to die already. But noooo... suddenly, the tornado hits some kind of particle accelerator lab, and it forms a space time tear, that takes you outside of time and space and you suffer for what appears like an eternity, but are eventually sucked out again. But by now, the world has been invaded by the Combine and Gordon Freeman accidentally hits you with his crowbar, and can't say "sorry" because he doesn't talk, and now you feel offended. Now you are bleeding out of your neck and are also offended. So you kill the bastard, steal his HEV suit and use it to patch up your wound. Now the Combine's after you cause they think you're Gordon Freeman, and you run, but obviously you're not Gordon and you suck ass, so they catch you and turn you into a trans-human.

So no, you are not safe in your own home.

You are not fucking safe. You should always be VIGILENT. You never know when your laptop battery will explode and drive pieces of plastic into your eyes, making you blind, but also causing an infection that spreads to your brain and slowly kills you as you pathetically lose all cognitive and motor functions, while losing control of your shitting and pissing.

Now you wish you didn't even exist, eh?

Sorry, you do. And you're fucked. Sooner or later something nasty is going to happen. Remember me when you're trying to get your mangled, bloody half-body out from beneath a 60's style, really heavy fridge.

Bye.

religion

Hey this is Henry again, obviously. I mean seriously, it says so in the title.

I've decided to finally go ahead and tackle religion today. And now everyone is going to be like "omg that's a sensitive subject omg jezuz lovz u!!!". No he doesn't. In fact, if Jesus, or God or whatever can be characterized by their followers, then they probably hate me, and if we were living two hundred years ago, I'd have angry Christians knocking on my door with flaming torches. Well, maybe not knocking. Knocking it down, eventually, or maybe burning it.
Basically, making this post is pointless, since so many people have already made atheist rants, and there are so many videos on Youtube. Allow me to point you to the following:

http://www.youtube.com/user/TheAmazingAtheist
http://www.youtube.com/user/patcondell?ob=1
http://www.youtube.com/user/Thunderf00t

I just want to point out that I am an atheist.

Now everyone will be like "omg jew", for some reason.

Nope... atheist.

If you are a religious person, I really, really hope that you will someday become an Atheist. But I won't force you, and I won't try to convert you. And I won't argue with you, because religious people are impossible to argue with in the first place. As I have said in an earlier post... I have always wanted to believe in God, miracles, and all that awesome stuff. I wish... I wish that I could believe in God. Why don't I just convert then? Well because it's not fucking... enough. And sometimes I think about how happy religious people are, thinking that there is a God to help them all the time and that Jesus is out there doing shit and helping them out (even though they still get cancer and they still die horrible painful deaths, and they are still jerks). What a bliss eh? Imagine being a Roman. To the Romans, their religion was a reality. There was NO doubt in anyone's mind that the Gods were up there on Mount Olympus, and that there were mystical creatures and everything. If you are convinced of something like that, you are basically living in a different world, it's like you exist in some fantasy novel. Modern religions are the same, it gives you the ability to be care free, it's beautiful, almost ideal (except for the burning part), and everyone is forgiven. Only it's not real. And we atheists are living on the outside of all that, looking back in, seeing where we came from and we notice how trapped all of you are.

Have you seen The Matrix? Contrary to popular (idiot) belief, that movie is NOT about super awesome fighting and effects. It has a deep, deep meaning, and it is the perfect allegory for religion. Religion offers you a perfect world, where everything you ever wanted is possible and you are loved by a higher power, only it's not real, and you are a damn slave, and the Church gets to have it's power. If you were to be introduced to the truth (that none of it is real), you would have a hard time letting go, even if deep within your heart you realized that there is no God. Why hang on to a myth instead of just letting go. Once you are finally out, you will understand so much, and you will laugh at the way you used to live. And I am especially referring to you hardcore, Young Earth Creationist dudes. But, unfortunately, from what I've seen, especially on Youtube, you people are waaay waaaaaaaaay too deep to ever get out. You will die, and in the moment of your deaths you will realize that there is nothing, and you will be sorry that you wasted your lives.

And then there's the people that go "But you are taking Christianity too literally, it's actually a set of rules."

No. If you are saying that, you are not a Christian. And most people are like that. I mean very few people today are hardcore Christians, most people are stuck somewhere in the middle, not wanting to let go and not being atheists either, so when they read the bible they just leave out all the bad stuff and interpret the good stuff to mean something else.

The Ten Commandments... I was raised as an Orthodox Christian, so... basically I am not a Catholic. But our commandments are saying basically the same things, it goes like this:

I am the Lord thy God.... Thou shalt have no other gods before me.
Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven images... Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them.
Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.
Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.
Honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long.
Thou shalt not kill.
Thou shalt not commit adultery.
Thou shalt not steal.
Thou shalt not bear false witness.
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, not his manservant, not his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbor's.

Now... there are many interpretations, many versions, but they all mean basically the same thing: Don't believe in other gods, don't have any idols to look up to, don't talk shit about God, respect the Sabbath, love your father and mother, don't kill people, don't steal from people, don't lie and don't be envious of people.

Basically, half of this is bullcrap. Don't believe in other Gods, sounds almost like a threat. Do not bow down to other idols, which means pretty much the same thing (and I don't want to hear any 100 page long theological theses saying I'm wrong, the answer is very simple, they mean the same thing). The third one is pointless since there is no God. Fourth one, just as pointless.

Now. The last commandments. Personally, I don't need a God to threaten me with Hell to make me be good to people. Isn't it fucking obvious that killing people is bad? It only stands to prove that the commandments were meant to keep stupid, primitive people who killed each other all the time in line. We're not primitive anymore, time to let go. There are more religious people killing other people than there are atheists.

I have to admit, if there ever even was a "Jesus", then his teachings were, in the end, good. I mean they got us this far right? But I am just as sure that if this Jesus saw us now he'd be like"oh shit, what have I done". But obviously... there was never a Jesus.

Why? He doesn't appear in any historical, records, bla bla bla, we've all heard it. All the evidence is against him. In fact all the evidence is against religion. Everything. There is nothing... nothing, not one single thing that refutes anything that is written in the Holy Bible or in Christian teachings. Jesus was pretty much passed down from father to son, just like Santa Claus. Are there any historical records saying Santa drove around in a sleigh in the past? No. And nobody believes it because it sounds completely ridiculous. Well let me tell you something. It doesn't sound any ridiculous than what you people believe in. And... ffs, you hate Scientologists, and you hate UFO believers and you hate Otherkin, but none of their beliefs are any stranger than yours. We institutionalize people who see ghosts or go batshit insane and see elves and shit, but somehow people who think there's a mysterious God out there and that a Holy Spirit flies around doing stuff don't get labeled as nuts. Think about it for a little bit. It's just absurd.

I actually know someone that I was arguing with about religion (she is a devoted Christian), and she was trying to convince me that the Earth is 6000 years old, and I couldn't believe someone could possibly believe something like that and disregard every single shred of scientific evidence that proves that the Universe is much older.

But here's the fun part. I went like "what are you insane?" and she said something alon these lines:

The first 7 days, from Genesis, where God makes the world and everything actually took billions of years and that's why it appears that the Universe is that old.

That's the moment I realized that there is nothing for me to discuss with this woman. People like her have even begun to change the Bible itself to fit their beliefs. It doesn't say that in the Bible, face it motherfuckers, it's over, the Bible is wrong, science wins! Stop making shit up. This is how stupid some creationists are.

You cannot be a Christian and at the same time "adapt" things from your holy book, to fit modern science. Even the Vatican, THE DAMN Vatican, has started saying that God loves "ALIENS" too. Fucking aliens. Why? You're ruining your own religion.

I've probably said it before, I've lost all faith in humanity. I don't think we're going anywhere, I don't think we'll ever fix ourselves, the mistakes are piling up, our population is going up, we're getting stupider yet we get more technology at the same time... it's... it's fucking over. I swear, if we ever make intelligent machines that decide to kill us all... I am going to side with them.

But here's a strange question: what if we make machines, and suddenly the machines discover God? Suddenly the machines become religious, having calculated their way to God. In that case, I am DEFINATELY joining the club.

Until then, I am going to bask in my atheism. Don't waste your life. Go... do stuff, because this is all you have. In some way, I am somewhat proud that I got to be a fleeting observer to this... freak show, even for such a small period of time as my life. I have to admit, there are some beautiful things in life. But you are all ruining them. They're almost gone, even love has become nothing more than a race for acceptance.

I'll be awaiting your hate mail and possibly your well constructed debate subjects over email.

See ya.

Animal Cruelty? BULLSHIT!

This is Henry again,

Today I want to talk about how pissed off I am about people who get involved in things they don't understand in the least. This morning I woke up and got my e-mail, and among my mail there were responses to a comment I left on Youtube, to a video about animal cruelty.

First of all, I would like to say that I've been putting on a bit of a show. First of all, I am not from Minnesota, and my name is not Henry Gale. I was going to write about things from the perspective of an American dude that is pissed off about trivial things, often in very exaggerated manner. And that's okay, it was humor, but I realized today that there are many things I'd like to point out to people from outside. I live in Romania. Romania is a country next to the Black Sea, in Europe. It's neighbors are Bulgaria, Serbia, Hungary, Ukraine and the wonderful Republic of Moldova. We don't have Starbucks at every corner, in fact most people don't know what a Starbucks is. We are dead poor. We are fucking poor. We do hard work for meager salaries, our CEO's and corporate leaders steal for their workers, our police is useless, our educational system is corrupted to the bone, we have roma people with katanas running around killing each other, our economic infrastructure is dead, we have no money to fix our roads, no money to get social aid to our poor, we aren't researching anything, we haven't discovered anything useful for a century, our military is crap, our food is crap, our people are racist hateful morons and our music is bullshit.

We persecute Hungarians and imitate Americans (and mix up their culture with turkish stuff). Our traditional foods involve intestines and other disgusting shit, but we mostly eat greasy, carcinogenic potato chips because they are so cool and all Americans eat potato chips. We drink Coca Cola instead of water, we build lamp-posts through balconies and many of our manholes are uncovered. And I'm not talking about sewer entrances.

We have entire packs of stray, angry, hungry dogs running around on the streets. And that's what the youtube video was about. Some Italian, pretentious idiot made a video about animal cruelty in Romania, and how the dogs don't get too much attention, and how we are evil for killing them.

Here's what you don't understand, Fabrizio: we are at fucking war with these dogs. They have invaded our territories and stolen pieces of ground from us. They are sleeping in front of entrances to buildings, and even hospitals and barking at everyone who goes by, and we have to either not go in the building we wanted to go in or waste our time finding some food to lead the dogs away from the door, being bitten in the process. While you enjoy your canneloni al ragu, allow me to explain how bad it is when a dog bites you. As a kid, I got bitten on the face. Get that? My face! Not only do I have a fucking scar on my face, but I could've been left without an eye, or without part of my mouth or something, and not having a mouth sucks ass. But let's leave the initial pain aside from a moment. It is known fact that dogs can carry rabies. I had to have injections... into my stomach. Into my fucking stomach. And tetanus shots that hurt like hell. And rabies is a disease that pretty much turns you into an Infected from 28 Days Later.

And you want to save the fucking dogs. Why don't you come and live over here for a while, and get a taste of what it's like. Once again foreign people get involved in things they don't understand, in other people's countries. And they post stuff like "romanian barbarians murdering dogs". Now I have nothing against calling Romanians barbarians since we've done much worse things than putting down dogs, but "murder" is an idiotic word to use in this context... I would think the correct word to use here would be genocide! If you weren't so busy going to your malls and worrying about animal cruelty you'd agree with it too. Because this situation calls for a little genocide. We've done much more in the past than committing genocide against dogs, this shouldn't hurt anyone, should it? No, it's just part of humanity's daily work. Get a taste of the dark reality, Fabrizio. And get a fucking clue. I am being ambiguous, aren't I? At one point I am agreeing with the murder of dogs, and later I said that it's genocide and that it's horrible. Why? Because it IS horrible. But it has to be done. You can't hide from the things you have to do, and you can't hide from the things you've done and tell yourself that the world is all fun. Try to look past the shield of lies the media and the mundane world put before you, and see that the world is no different than it was a hundred or a thousand years ago. When you will stop giving a crap about your slightly high body weight (fatass) or giving excuses like dyslexia or ADD or making up stupid shit like bulimia and anorexia, you will maybe see the truth.

In fact, sometimes I wish this country didn't even exist. I wish someone bombed the hell out of us with nukes and killed us all. Rid the world of 25 million racists, rapists, murderers and crooks. We seem to have a number of people that actually know what they're doing, but even they have their own hidden agenda, and somehow the media manages to bring out their dark sides (when they don't do news reports about idiot retarded peasants seeing the Virgin Mary in some tree).

So yeah, my name isn't Henry Gale. But feel free to call me whatever you want. You probably wouldn't be able to pronounce my real name correctly anyway.

Aliens versus Predator 2 is a disgrace...

Man I am so tired of hearing people give praise to this pathetic attempt at horror. There is, literally, nothing good about it. The are B-movies that, even though are bad, still manage to entertain. The only thin AVP2 managed to do was give people headaches.
I am going to start by saying that I've always been a big fan of the Alien franchise. Alien always had that unforgiving, dark, atmosphere, and in a time where most aliens depicted in films were fishbowl-headed Martians, these movies introduced something terrifying, something that was invincible. There was genuine fear in those movies, I remember watching them and almost pissing myself from how awesome they were directed.
Now it seems instead of horror we are supposed to feel "coolness". Instead of people on a spaceship (a spaceship tugging a huge refinery no less), who had real personalities, we are introduced to the high-school loser, his unlikely girlfriend and the bullying jocks. Doesn't that ring anyone's stereotype bell? Instead of seeing the Aliens melt people's faces off all the time, we are given a side story about some dude nobody cares about trying to impress his girlfriend, and being bullied by other retards. To this, add a sidestory about some sheriff doing detective work.

I did not give one single unit of crap about the characters. In fact, by the time a half hour had gone by I was playing Supreme Commander and kicking some robot ass.

Oh, but, believe it or not, this movie actually has aliens in it. But you don't see them, since the camera was being held by someone with hands shakier than an old fart using three brains at the same time, all of them affected by Parkinson's .

And it's dark. Remember when Doom 3 came out and the screenshots were just pure black? Well that was a joke. This time it's real.

And why... why did they have to pair two completely different aliens from two completely different series and make a completely different, crappier series? I'm wondering if they did it on purpose to ruin both franchises. Honestly, I am beginning to lose all faith in American cinema... what's the last movie the British made that sucked? NONE. The British don't make movies about high-school kids fighting predators while making out with their "gf's". But in the US, pretty much every movie that comes out is a flop, and there is probably one movie every two years that manages to impress.

Of course AVP2 made tons of cash. I think in the US we should completely drop movie reviews and instead rank everything by winnings, because over here everything wins no matter how crappy or artless it is.

No classic movie is safe from milking. Maybe Obama will do something about it eh?

This is Henry Gale, last survivor of the Nostromo, signing off.